The Human Body As A Straw

If you think about it, the human body is a straw. You put liquid in one hole, and it comes out of another. If you're really serious about straws, you'll remove all your innards and commit yourself to total strawhood.

Clean Your Necks

I heard if you got a nasty neck vampires put a straw through your jugular so they don't gotta kiss it. That's bad news for everybody. Some straws have necks. If you think about it, all straws are a neck. Are there vampire straws that suck the suck out of mortal straws? Food for strawt.